SIMPLE MINDED RANTS

"The Next Great Olympic Sport"

     I've been watching the Olympics on TV these past few weeks and I am amazed at all the stupid sports there are.  Normally I would just change the channel and go on with my life, that is to say I would change the channel back to Cinemax.  But the fact that the Olympics feature lots of half-naked good looking girls kept me glued to the set.  So for the past two weeks I've had to put up with lame sports because of my undying love for good looking Russian girls.

     But my experience wasn't all that bad.  I thought to myself, if people could win medals for air rifle, badminton, and ping pong then there has to be a sport where some of us here at Simple Minded can win some medals.  But what stupid "sport" could the Olympics introduce that the Simple Minded staff could win?  Then it hit me:  TEAM GAY HUGGING.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN - If only Team Gay Hugging were an Olympic sport in the Athens Olympics, then the "Real" Dream Team (above) would have hugged their way to gold medals and world records.  From left to Right:  Roger "Baby Boy" Estrada, Gino "Papa Bear" Madrid, and Alex "Finger-trap" Huerta.

     As seen in the picture above, the Dream Team representing the US and/or Mexico in the Olympics would include none other than our very own Roger Estrada, Alex Huerta, and Gino Madrid.  I personally don't know anything about the sport of Team Gay Hugging, but for the sake of a free trip and a chance to meet good-looking female athletes I would gladly volunteer to be the coach of this team.  Besides with a Dream Team like this and reserves like Gary Adams, John Estrada, Lil' Alex and Steve Urribarri this team will practically coach itself to the Gold Medal.  As for how Team Gay Hugging is played, judging from the picture above I think the sport involves a video camera, a long stick, and lots of piercings.  And that's as much as I want to know. 

     Not only will this sport allow our staff to win medals it will also bring some credibility to the Olympics.  Not only is Team Gay Hugging more physical than synchronized diving, it is also more legitimate than Olympic Boxing.  Another good thing about this new sport is that it will eventually spawn Women's Team Gay Hugging.  And over time, in an attempt to capture the original Olympic spirit there will be Nude Women's Team Gay Hugging.  Think of the ratings.  By the time that happens, hopefully Men's Team Gay Hugging will be eliminated as well as other sports that don't involve good looking girls.  So that's my plan to eliminate all the stupid sports and transform the Olympics into something that can only be seen on Cinemax or on Pay-per-view.  And with the advent of Women's Beach Volleyball, the Olympics are half-way there.  So if you share my vision for the Olympics, go to the IOC website and request Team Gay Hugging be an exhibition sport in the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

http://www.olympic.org

- Duckrunner

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